would i do it again i don’t know because there is no again and that’s the thing when i could do a close to again i did the same thing again even if i do over it’s a do over not truly again but maybe mileage kilometre-age and we’re smart so we get better like google maps did and solved these great problems but then there are new problems so there isn’t forever and scarcity imposes beauty on death and the unknown sudden steers away like 阎连科 said 人生总是有很多不得不在中途打住的事
messy all of this is all over the place like wretched spider webs hanging low in a park with high human traffic
it just is and i am here
a menace a menace a menace
outline hate and oh that’s a strong word but hurting can heal and protect so slovenly malice and jolting danger and bullying unkind and calculated slights pain because imagined empathy even for a blip is ghastly and gross without any notice or expectation of consent this life of a bearable lightness of being is otherwise not discernible from a nice insulated greenhouse like truman shook it off
let it go flush flush up up and away
flowers and waving in the window crumbs of pastry strewn across the table said i got to be here with you and them and i’m sorry i’m not for sure sorry i took risks with all of you but you are all so lovely and i adore you just the way i am and you are happiest after understanding and remembering some unhappiness and the second you were here you were you and we were us and it stopped being just about me
i bought the idea of money buying happiness because there is white rabbit and then gold glitter chrome nails parsley scented hand soap fresh massive blooms in a air-conditioned space and toffee nut lattes and repairing shoes today and movies and books
why will i be because i cannot sketch heartbreak
in here so many lovely things and people even if the world is ending pause a while
despite all, i give thanks today to spotify, and i have forgotten the rest, oh maybe e-books
be afraid if necessary 风风火火
multiverse